newVideoPlayer("/The_Hills_Not_Friends.flv", 506, 423,""); So did you hear that strange, pained keening last night at about 10pm EST? It was a great cry that went up throughout all the land as The Hills, MTV's unstoppable sloppy blown kiss of a reality series, came flouncing back to the airwaves for its fourth and (rumored!! zomg, pleeez???!) final season. And it was business as usual, with fighting and silliness and awkward new characters introduced by the Thwomp-faced Heidi.

There was, like any good Chekhov play, a party. Lauren, our reluctant and vaguely sad hero, threw a rocker-attended birthday blowout for her cabana-banished roommate Audrina. She had hoped it would put the friendship back on track, but as always Lo was a Maleficent-level bitch and holed up in her room and then hah! blamed Audrina for not making any effort in the faux friendship (see above clip). Lauren then looked sad and went on a date with a guy named Doug ("...Douggg...") who my sources tell me is the heir to a frozen burrito fortune. No fucking joke. Frozen burritos.

Meanwhile in the cartoonish world of Heidi and Spencer, the Piaf-esque singer had her might-as-well-not-have-a-name-she's-so-useless (on the show! she is a real person with feelings!) sister over for an extended visit. Ol' Fleshbeard was none too happy about it, because... well, it wasn't exactly clear what his problem was. Shared airtime? A worry that his sister, Spencerina, might have to cede some coverage? I'm sure we'll see the conflict explored further, because the buckiest Montag ominously intoned that she'd like to move to LA because she had nothing going on back in Colorado (what about the skiing and mega churchgoing???) and Heidi turned to the producers and made sure it was OK and then said it sounded like a good idea.

If something else happened, I don't remember. I guess Whitney made some spot-on facial expressions and Justin Bobby looked pretty decent with his short hair and did I mention the frozen burrito heir? My sister called me right after and declared that, based on the scenes-from-the-next, it was going to be a good season. I agreed and we chatted for a moment, but when I hung up I realized that I had no idea what actually looked "good" about this season. I couldn't remember anything in particular, but I did feel that way at the time. And I'm not sure why. It's a mystery I'll be unpacking for months, if not years, I'm sure.

In the meantime I'll grudgingly watch—pen in my hand, ending unplanned.

Filed under: Paparazzi Photo

TMZ.com: Never ask Aretha Franklin for one of her fries. ... Read more

Filed under: Paparazzi Photo, Heath Ledger

TMZ.com: Lil' Matilda Rose is growing into a identical version of her dad Heath Ledger. Keep Mary-Kate far, far away from her. See Also Mary-Kate a Red Herring in Ledger-Gate ... Read more

Benji Madden and his brother hunt out in NYC yesterday ansd were spotted leaving Mary-Kate Olsen’s office building!! Benji laughed off reports that something might be going on between himself and Mary-Kate Olsen. He told the photographers that they see him with “his girl” everyday. “I don’t have to say anything else.” Benji was even wearing his “P” necklace.

Tags: Benji Madden, mary kate olsen

Share This

Who's on TV more than anybody else? Oprah? Jay Leno? Ha, you fools. The Washington Post estimates that Billy Mays, the bearded, dangerously hyper Oxi Clean pitchman, "could already be the single most ubiquitous figure on television today, measured purely in face time." Despite that, he's getting a reality show this fall, about making ads. Disturbing? Yes. Is there any stopping him? There is not. [WP]

[Images: Big Pictures/Mr Paparazzi]

We know that Beaver Geldof is currently in Spain making amends with her father, but you would have thought she’d be jumping on a plane to be with her new husband for his first gig in the UK, right?! Well you’d be wrong. Because last night when Max performed in Sheffield, Beaver failed to turn up….

During the show Max made no mention of his infamous wife, and spent most of the set covering his face with a scarf and a pair of sunglasses. Ashamed of something are you Max?? We would be. Oh dear it looks as though the cracks are already starting to show in their publicity stunt marriage…

Vote on this week's styles including Ashley Tisdale, Selma Blair and more stars! You decide – are they fashionistas or flops? By Melissa Liebling-Goldberg

Alleged rocker and former Mischa Barton boy toy Cisco Adler was denied entry to or kicked out of Teddy's at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel Sunday.

Perhaps he was too drunk, Teddy's has a dress code he didn't conform to, or the bouncers feared seeing Cisco Adler naked after 12 rum and cokes.

Either or. Here's a clip of his dismissal ...

The swimming champ's mother is honored with a donation to children's charities

With the possible exceptions of various sarcastic asides by John Dickerson and Jack Shafer, online journal of contrarianism Slate has run like one intentionally funny piece in its 100 year history—this examination of Chuck Klosterman jacket photos by Doree—so we're not entirely sure why they keep trying. Humor is not really your bag, Slate! Today we received an ominous email from Slate's indefatigable flack: "Slate V Spoofs Lolcats: Polcats—What if Barack and Hillary Wuz Kittehs?" It might go... a little something... like this:

Slate, this is the kind of idea we get at like 4:30 p.m. on a Friday and we think better of before we even finish the email pitch to Blakeley. This is apparently the kind of idea you decide to publish as an actual book so our advice is probably falling on deaf ears.

I guess there are probably two camps on this story, about an Indian reality show star who will have her reaction to a cervical cancer diagnosis broadcast around the entire subcontinent. Some feel that Jade Goody, a British woman on the Big Brother-esque reality program Bigg Boss, should have had her tearful reaction to the news she received over the phone kept private. Others, like me, feel that these are the few moments when reality television actually feels like, well, reality.

Remember when Danny's mom passed away on Real World: Austin? It was terribly sad and awkwardly on camera, but it also transformed Danny from complete drunken buffoon into actual, sympathetic person. I'm not saying that he needed his mother to die in order to become "real," rather that we on the on the other side of the glowing box can be pretty jaded—we forget that, beyond the silly feather ruffling and preening, these really are people with lives and mortality and family. It's a bitter little pill to swallow, sure, but I think it lends an air of legitimacy to a landscape that is, for the most part, lacking in that department.

Well, except for Beauty and the Geek which is sweet and lovable and all about feelings and makes me happy. That show is pure gold. But these other ones, especially this Bigg Boss where I hope Ms. Goody makes a speedy and full recovery and that maybe she's helped raise awareness for vigilance in detection and prevention, shouldn't be at fault, in my opinion, for airing these difficult moments. Reality show "stars" (contestants? participants? guinea pigs? victims?) may mostly be signing up to have their drunkenest hot tub kadoodle flicker on their horrified parents' television set, but once in a while something true and difficult and all-too-relatable will happen and you remember that, despite all the silliness and Jell-O shooting and gonorrhea having, in the words of High School Musical, we're all in this together. And that's a good thing.

(Also you should really just read the article because it's sort of crazy and reads like a book about magic. India!)

Zac and Vanessa have been nominated for several post-Teen Choice 08 Awards! I feel like I’ve been under a rock - I didn’t know they did awards after the awards too!

Zac has been nominated for Best Presenter, Best Celebrity Couple with Vanessa, and Best Dressed male! Go here to vote!

Tags: best celebrity couple, best dressed male, best presenter, teen choice awards, Vanessa Hudgens, zac efron, zanessa

Share This

After Amazon announced an exclusive deal with the publisher of American Prospect editor Robert Kuttner's new book, Obama's Challenge: America's Economic Crisis and the Power of a Transformative Presidency—in which they will be the book's only seller for its first two weeks—Barnes & Noble cut their order of the title. "A spokeswoman for Barnes & Noble later said she couldn't recall another example where a major title wasn't available to all booksellers at the same time." [WSJ]

Set your DVRs!

Zac is going to be making another guest appearance on the Monday, August 25th episode of High School Musical: Get in the Picture! It airs on ABC at 8pm ET.

Tags: abc, Appearances, High School Musical, high school musical: get in the picture, Television, zac efron

Share This

Astoundingly, even more Olympians have been photographed in the "Slanty-eyed Asian" pose that caused an international uproar when the Spanish Olympic Basketball team did it just last week. Spain argued that hey, just because their basketball team and their national tennis team did the slit-eye, it didn't mean everyone should pick on them. And maybe they were right! Because now some of Argentina's female Olympic soccer players have been photographed in the same pose. Can there be a memo issued about this or something (Text: "Don't do.")? Full photo below:

[via Guardian UK]

The Miley & Mandy Show - Go Green!! Miley & Mandy do a little skit to show you ways to go green. Here’s what they say… Going green is something that is rarely brought up with the kids today. WE ARE HERE TO TELL YOU, KIDS ARE THE FUTURE! Find fun ways that YOU can go green… and share it with your friends! XOX M&M

Tags: miley mandy

Share This

Miley Cyrus rides bikes with Mandy, but this time she’s looking at a house for sale!! “So pretty,” she says. “One day!” As always, Miley is gracious to the paparazzi!

Tags: Miley Cyrus, miley cyrus vid

Share This

Zac was spotted out yesterday looking at some real estate in the Hollywood Hills.

Since Vanessa has already bought her own house and Zac is out looking, it looks like the rumors from last month about them moving in together are dashed! They have plenty of time for that, though.

MORE PICS after the cut!

Tags: house hunting, moving in together, photographs, photos, pictures, real estate, Vanessa Hudgens, zac efron

Share This

["Gossip Girl" (13 days!) actor Ed Westwick filming on set yesterday; image via Splash]

["Gossip Girl" (13 days!) actor Ed Westwick filming on set yesterday; image via Splash]

Steverino_Begins' new line beats the original, Ed Westwick Goofs the Floof.

Are you sick of hearing by now how Michael Phelps eats 12,000 calories a day to fuel his superhuman championship swimming for the gold? Too bad dude! Because what has not been adequately discussed by the media is how awesomely all-American Michael Phelps' calories are. He eats McDonalds! And you can follow his championship diet, too! Allow one of our nation's most prominent journalists to tell you all about it:

NBC anchor Brian Williams gave Phelps some special McD's dining advice before their recent interview:

I told him there was no mustard on them, and that the minced onion was kept to a minimum. I could see in his eyes that he realized he was in the company of a fellow aficionado. He changed his order – so excited at the thought of McDonalds for the first time since arriving here in Beijing — and the interview began.

Will Phelps prove to be yet more proof that fast food is the key to a healthy life? McDonalds very much hopes so. But get honest; you're not an Olympic swimmer. There's really only one circumstance under which an average person should eat so many calories:

[via Soup Cans]

[Video: Big Pictures/Mr Paparazzi]

Picture the scene: you’re casually strolling home after a night out and then suddenly, a random passer-by hurls a tirade of insults at you. Do you walk away or fight back? That’s exactly the situation Lily Allen was faced with last night as she left Groucho Club in Soho with her pal Miquita Oliver. Unfortunately the fiery songstress chose the latter option…

Wouldn’t Lily make a fantastic Vicky Pollard? We particularly love the bit where she slurs “I’ll f-ing batter her”. We wonder if she stopped off to get a Donner Kebab on the way home, or whether she just went straight to bed?? Oh how the other half live…

We cannot figure this girl out.

One minute, Britney Spears is smoking in the face of Sean Preston and looking like she hasn't eaten a salad since 1999.

The next? Looking (almost) like her old, hot self ...

Circa 2001 Britney Spears emerges from a Mercedes time machine.

While there's no way that hair is real - after all, she shaved her head completely bald just 16 short months ago - even it looks better than some of her looks we've seen of late. A little trashy, but that's par for the course with Brit.

With her newfound good looks, sobriety, overnight visits with the kids and overall contentedness, Britney Spears is truly on the rebound - she may even pick up her first-ever VMA win next month. Keep up the good work, girl!

Waking up sick is no fun. It hardly feels like you slept at all and the cruel light of day pounds at your head. But, I'll persevere. Especially with the help of the two blind items after the jump, one about a celebrity who is maybe too confident in her clout and the other about a celebrity couple where the lady wears the pants. The abusing pants. Enjoy, and stay healthy.

1) "Which celeb had a hissy fit after a photoshoot? She demanded a host of A-list stars to pose with her in the picture but got a shock when all that turned up were a few minor boyband members." [Mirror]

2) "It seems though as if this B list celebrity couple is done. He of the C- list films and she of the A list television and B list films. Turns out he finally got sick and tired of the verbal abuse he took from the wife everyday. Not talking about three or four days a week, talking about every day. Did she hit him? Absolutely. Although, her favorite thing to do was to try and scratch him with the engagement and wedding ring he bought her. He has had some lovely cuts as a result of this, including stitches more than once. He has walked out before, but she has always talked him into coming back. This time though he has been gone for ten days, and isn't returning any calls." [CDaN]

We know what Spencer and Heidi think about the phenomenon that is The Hills. Now for Audrina Patridge's thoughts on last night's premiere.

She wrote on her official site yesterday:

"I just spent my afternoon getting ready with my make-up artist and hair stylist, and am headed to the big season premiere party. I shot a couple videos for you that I will be uploading later, but here are some photos so you guys can see my final look. What do you think? My stylist and I chose a Julia Clancey dress and then I chose Mary Norton shoes to wear with it."

What do you think of Audrina's hair and blue dress and at last night's season premiere party for The Hills? We think she looks pretty fab, don't you?

Want more Audrina Patridge? Here are some recent pics of her hangin' at the DKNY Beach House in Malibu (where she seems to spend a lot of time) ...