Octogenarian Post gossipeuse Cindy Adams reports that the Enquirer tomorrow will run a photo of Rielle Hunter holding the baby John Edwards maybe held in that photo that was maybe him in that hotel room he met Rielle at. They will have "proof" that it is the same baby and "proof" that it is not photoshopped. Cindy Adams also reports this: "ENOUGH already with New York's financial woes. Soon, instead of a torch, the Statue of Liberty will hold up a tin cup and pencils." [NYP]

[Images: Big Pictures/Mr Paparazzi]

Well, Kelly looks likes she’s taken to single life like a duck to water, doesn’t she?? Just weeks after splitting with her on-off lover Billy Zane, we spotted Kelly on a beach in St.Tropez showing Billy what he’s been missing….

Earlier this month Kelly called off their four-year relationship in an emotional phone call to the Titanic star. But if Kelly suffered any trauma as a result of the break-up she seems to have gotten over it pretty quickly. We spotted Kelly jumping for joy and waving her arms in the air as she frolicked about on a beach with friends.

We wish we could look that good and happy when we’re single…

Before recapping last night's episode of The Hills - or whatever you call the 10 minutes of show surrounded by 20 minutes of ads - a quick note:

You suck, MTV.

We realize ads pay for the entertainment, and that you want to milk every cent out of your one hit show. But eight straight minutes? Jackasses.

Anyway.

Before 12 Taco Bell ads destroyed our love for it, the fourth season of The Hills started off great. It began at work with Whitney and Lauren.

Lauren is clearly preoccupied about her hot date with Doug Reinhardt later that night. She tells Whitney Port all about it. Giggling ensues.

LC's somewhat-estranged roommate, Audrina Patridge, reveals her weekend plans to amusingly-named Chiara, her co-worker at Epic Records.

Turns out Lauren Conrad is throwing her a birthday bash at the house. Should be a lot of fun, right? Well, Chiara is worried - and not at all prompted by the producers to say so - that tension between Audrina and Lo will ruin it. 

Meanwhile, on The Hills 2.0, a.k.a. SpeidiLand, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are living together again, but little does he know she has told Holly Montag, her sister from Colorado, that she can stay with them for a bit.

When he finds out, Spencer Pratt immediately wants rid of Holly and acts like a total d!ck, rejecting the nice breakfast she made and everything.

He sleeps until noon, then promptly goes back to bed. Apparently man has quite a flexible schedule. No discernible employment will allow that.

Before Holly Montag heads home to Colorado, she tells Heidi she is thinking about moving to L.A. full-time. Spencer is far from pleased.

Lauren Conrad and Doug Reinhardt apparently went out for a bit in high school - they went to different schools but she went to his prom!

After catching up for a bit, the minor league baseball player tells her she still looks gorgeous and is acting all cheesy. He asks her out again and LC tells him about the party for Audrina. Doug says he'll be there, totes.

Audrina's party arrives and there is hectic drama in The Hills.

A seriously uptight Lo - the queen of passive-aggressive behavior - takes a cheap shot at the types of people Audrina invited. Sure, they're a little rough around the edges, but at least Audrina likes to have fun. Gosh, Lo.

Lauren Conrad then gets frustrated when Lo refuses to hang out or even try to get to know Audrina's friends. Lo (Lauren Bosworth) just gets defensive.

The day after the pool party, Lauren has nothing but good things to say about Doug Reinhardt when she recounts the day to Whitney, but LC remains very worried about Audrina and Lo and the tension that will not go away.

Back at home, Audrina and Lo finally have it out, blaming each other for the growing distance between them. That's when Audrina drops the bomb that gave this episode its title, telling Lo that "we'll never be friends." Snap.

Oh joy: another 'homage' cover from a magazine industry that appears to be running as thin on new ideas as it is ad pages!

We will be sure to save this one in the hyperbaric chamber in which Gawker Media stores valuable artifacts of the dying days of print media alongside last month's Esquire's Stephen Colbert cover homage to Esquire's 1968 Mohammad Ali cover and that New York Marilyn Monroe homage cover featuring Lindsay Lohan and Esquire's homage to that disturbing (if your mom ever told you shaving your face would make you grow hair there anyway) 1965 Virna Lisi cover featuring Jessica Simpson and also Esquire's February homage cover ripping off that 1967 Angie (yes that one!) Dickinson photo to which they already paid homage to back in 2003 when Britney Spears could sell magazines not named OK!…are we missing any? Most certainly!

It's not as if mid-century was such a golden age for magazine circulations. Esquire got up around a million during its heyday, sure, and now it's probably about 25% off that, but Sports Illustrated is actually significantly more widely read than it was in the seventies. But editors back them were at least a little less the prisoners of cover-testing and circulation departments. So it's no wonder that their more conservative descendents hark back to an earlier era when every tired cover gimmick was still new—and when Mark Spitz somehow convinced the International Olympic Committee to give him his medals on gold chains (check the photo) and the world was cooler then.

Divorce and baseball woes - Cynthia Rodriguez is poised to take tens of millions of his money and the Yankees are 10 games out of first in the American League East - don’t seem to be keeping slugger Alex Rodriguez down.

A-Rod was spotted in two differnt cities squiring two cuties last week - including one who sources say looks younger version of his estranged wife.

Rodriguez stepped out with a mystery blonde last Wednesday night, starting with a cozy dinner at Dan Marino’s restaurant in South Beach.

No word on whether the potential new base-rounding partner is Alex's type (a.k.a. able to bench press a small car like Joslyn Morse).

The duo showed up around 9 p.m. and shared a “fairly animated” conversation, spies told Page Six. “They looked to be thoroughly enjoying themselves.”

So much so that the third baseman and his date left the eatery and walked to nearby nightspot Bougainvillea. There, they sat at a secluded outside table that was shielded from prying eyes by some well-placed shrubbery.

Alex appears to have moved on from Cynthia Rodriguez quickly.

As Alex Rodriguez and his mystery woman got up to leave around 1 a.m., the pair seemed surprised to be greeted by a celebrity gossip photographer.

Once spotted, A-Rod ran away, “trying to make out like he wasn’t with her,” said the source. Realizing that witnesses weren’t buying the ploy, Alex said, “This is nothing. She’s an old friend of mine. Leave us alone.”

Back in New York on Sunday, Rodriguez hit the roof of Soho House with a tall Asian beauty with “good hair,” sources report.

And this time, instead of trying to pretend he wasn’t with a woman, A-Rod - decked out in jeans, a white T-shirt and black patent-leather Nikes - was “out-of-his-way nice” to the staff. “He seemed in great spirits.”

Just after 11 p.m., his date made her way downstairs, with A-Rod following a few minutes behind her. Then they jumped into a hybrid SUV and took off.

This isn't the first time A-Rod has been linked to two women at the same time. Although it's doubtful a threesome took place here.

newVideoPlayer("/The_Hills_Not_Friends.flv", 506, 423,""); So did you hear that strange, pained keening last night at about 10pm EST? It was a great cry that went up throughout all the land as The Hills, MTV's unstoppable sloppy blown kiss of a reality series, came flouncing back to the airwaves for its fourth and (rumored!! zomg, pleeez???!) final season. And it was business as usual, with fighting and silliness and awkward new characters introduced by the Thwomp-faced Heidi.

There was, like any good Chekhov play, a party. Lauren, our reluctant and vaguely sad hero, threw a rocker-attended birthday blowout for her cabana-banished roommate Audrina. She had hoped it would put the friendship back on track, but as always Lo was a Maleficent-level bitch and holed up in her room and then hah! blamed Audrina for not making any effort in the faux friendship (see above clip). Lauren then looked sad and went on a date with a guy named Doug ("...Douggg...") who my sources tell me is the heir to a frozen burrito fortune. No fucking joke. Frozen burritos.

Meanwhile in the cartoonish world of Heidi and Spencer, the Piaf-esque singer had her might-as-well-not-have-a-name-she's-so-useless (on the show! she is a real person with feelings!) sister over for an extended visit. Ol' Fleshbeard was none too happy about it, because... well, it wasn't exactly clear what his problem was. Shared airtime? A worry that his sister, Spencerina, might have to cede some coverage? I'm sure we'll see the conflict explored further, because the buckiest Montag ominously intoned that she'd like to move to LA because she had nothing going on back in Colorado (what about the skiing and mega churchgoing???) and Heidi turned to the producers and made sure it was OK and then said it sounded like a good idea.

If something else happened, I don't remember. I guess Whitney made some spot-on facial expressions and Justin Bobby looked pretty decent with his short hair and did I mention the frozen burrito heir? My sister called me right after and declared that, based on the scenes-from-the-next, it was going to be a good season. I agreed and we chatted for a moment, but when I hung up I realized that I had no idea what actually looked "good" about this season. I couldn't remember anything in particular, but I did feel that way at the time. And I'm not sure why. It's a mystery I'll be unpacking for months, if not years, I'm sure.

In the meantime I'll grudgingly watch—pen in my hand, ending unplanned.

Filed under: Paparazzi Photo

TMZ.com: Never ask Aretha Franklin for one of her fries. ... Read more

Filed under: Paparazzi Photo, Heath Ledger

TMZ.com: Lil' Matilda Rose is growing into a identical version of her dad Heath Ledger. Keep Mary-Kate far, far away from her. See Also Mary-Kate a Red Herring in Ledger-Gate ... Read more

Who's on TV more than anybody else? Oprah? Jay Leno? Ha, you fools. The Washington Post estimates that Billy Mays, the bearded, dangerously hyper Oxi Clean pitchman, "could already be the single most ubiquitous figure on television today, measured purely in face time." Despite that, he's getting a reality show this fall, about making ads. Disturbing? Yes. Is there any stopping him? There is not. [WP]

[Images: Big Pictures/Mr Paparazzi]

We know that Beaver Geldof is currently in Spain making amends with her father, but you would have thought she’d be jumping on a plane to be with her new husband for his first gig in the UK, right?! Well you’d be wrong. Because last night when Max performed in Sheffield, Beaver failed to turn up….

During the show Max made no mention of his infamous wife, and spent most of the set covering his face with a scarf and a pair of sunglasses. Ashamed of something are you Max?? We would be. Oh dear it looks as though the cracks are already starting to show in their publicity stunt marriage…

Alleged rocker and former Mischa Barton boy toy Cisco Adler was denied entry to or kicked out of Teddy's at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel Sunday.

Perhaps he was too drunk, Teddy's has a dress code he didn't conform to, or the bouncers feared seeing Cisco Adler naked after 12 rum and cokes.

Either or. Here's a clip of his dismissal ...

With the possible exceptions of various sarcastic asides by John Dickerson and Jack Shafer, online journal of contrarianism Slate has run like one intentionally funny piece in its 100 year history—this examination of Chuck Klosterman jacket photos by Doree—so we're not entirely sure why they keep trying. Humor is not really your bag, Slate! Today we received an ominous email from Slate's indefatigable flack: "Slate V Spoofs Lolcats: Polcats—What if Barack and Hillary Wuz Kittehs?" It might go... a little something... like this:

Slate, this is the kind of idea we get at like 4:30 p.m. on a Friday and we think better of before we even finish the email pitch to Blakeley. This is apparently the kind of idea you decide to publish as an actual book so our advice is probably falling on deaf ears.

I guess there are probably two camps on this story, about an Indian reality show star who will have her reaction to a cervical cancer diagnosis broadcast around the entire subcontinent. Some feel that Jade Goody, a British woman on the Big Brother-esque reality program Bigg Boss, should have had her tearful reaction to the news she received over the phone kept private. Others, like me, feel that these are the few moments when reality television actually feels like, well, reality.

Remember when Danny's mom passed away on Real World: Austin? It was terribly sad and awkwardly on camera, but it also transformed Danny from complete drunken buffoon into actual, sympathetic person. I'm not saying that he needed his mother to die in order to become "real," rather that we on the on the other side of the glowing box can be pretty jaded—we forget that, beyond the silly feather ruffling and preening, these really are people with lives and mortality and family. It's a bitter little pill to swallow, sure, but I think it lends an air of legitimacy to a landscape that is, for the most part, lacking in that department.

Well, except for Beauty and the Geek which is sweet and lovable and all about feelings and makes me happy. That show is pure gold. But these other ones, especially this Bigg Boss where I hope Ms. Goody makes a speedy and full recovery and that maybe she's helped raise awareness for vigilance in detection and prevention, shouldn't be at fault, in my opinion, for airing these difficult moments. Reality show "stars" (contestants? participants? guinea pigs? victims?) may mostly be signing up to have their drunkenest hot tub kadoodle flicker on their horrified parents' television set, but once in a while something true and difficult and all-too-relatable will happen and you remember that, despite all the silliness and Jell-O shooting and gonorrhea having, in the words of High School Musical, we're all in this together. And that's a good thing.

(Also you should really just read the article because it's sort of crazy and reads like a book about magic. India!)

After Amazon announced an exclusive deal with the publisher of American Prospect editor Robert Kuttner's new book, Obama's Challenge: America's Economic Crisis and the Power of a Transformative Presidency—in which they will be the book's only seller for its first two weeks—Barnes & Noble cut their order of the title. "A spokeswoman for Barnes & Noble later said she couldn't recall another example where a major title wasn't available to all booksellers at the same time." [WSJ]

Astoundingly, even more Olympians have been photographed in the "Slanty-eyed Asian" pose that caused an international uproar when the Spanish Olympic Basketball team did it just last week. Spain argued that hey, just because their basketball team and their national tennis team did the slit-eye, it didn't mean everyone should pick on them. And maybe they were right! Because now some of Argentina's female Olympic soccer players have been photographed in the same pose. Can there be a memo issued about this or something (Text: "Don't do.")? Full photo below:

[via Guardian UK]

["Gossip Girl" (13 days!) actor Ed Westwick filming on set yesterday; image via Splash]

["Gossip Girl" (13 days!) actor Ed Westwick filming on set yesterday; image via Splash]

Steverino_Begins' new line beats the original, Ed Westwick Goofs the Floof.

Are you sick of hearing by now how Michael Phelps eats 12,000 calories a day to fuel his superhuman championship swimming for the gold? Too bad dude! Because what has not been adequately discussed by the media is how awesomely all-American Michael Phelps' calories are. He eats McDonalds! And you can follow his championship diet, too! Allow one of our nation's most prominent journalists to tell you all about it:

NBC anchor Brian Williams gave Phelps some special McD's dining advice before their recent interview:

I told him there was no mustard on them, and that the minced onion was kept to a minimum. I could see in his eyes that he realized he was in the company of a fellow aficionado. He changed his order – so excited at the thought of McDonalds for the first time since arriving here in Beijing — and the interview began.

Will Phelps prove to be yet more proof that fast food is the key to a healthy life? McDonalds very much hopes so. But get honest; you're not an Olympic swimmer. There's really only one circumstance under which an average person should eat so many calories:

[via Soup Cans]

[Video: Big Pictures/Mr Paparazzi]

Picture the scene: you’re casually strolling home after a night out and then suddenly, a random passer-by hurls a tirade of insults at you. Do you walk away or fight back? That’s exactly the situation Lily Allen was faced with last night as she left Groucho Club in Soho with her pal Miquita Oliver. Unfortunately the fiery songstress chose the latter option…

Wouldn’t Lily make a fantastic Vicky Pollard? We particularly love the bit where she slurs “I’ll f-ing batter her”. We wonder if she stopped off to get a Donner Kebab on the way home, or whether she just went straight to bed?? Oh how the other half live…

We cannot figure this girl out.

One minute, Britney Spears is smoking in the face of Sean Preston and looking like she hasn't eaten a salad since 1999.

The next? Looking (almost) like her old, hot self ...

Circa 2001 Britney Spears emerges from a Mercedes time machine.

While there's no way that hair is real - after all, she shaved her head completely bald just 16 short months ago - even it looks better than some of her looks we've seen of late. A little trashy, but that's par for the course with Brit.

With her newfound good looks, sobriety, overnight visits with the kids and overall contentedness, Britney Spears is truly on the rebound - she may even pick up her first-ever VMA win next month. Keep up the good work, girl!

Waking up sick is no fun. It hardly feels like you slept at all and the cruel light of day pounds at your head. But, I'll persevere. Especially with the help of the two blind items after the jump, one about a celebrity who is maybe too confident in her clout and the other about a celebrity couple where the lady wears the pants. The abusing pants. Enjoy, and stay healthy.

1) "Which celeb had a hissy fit after a photoshoot? She demanded a host of A-list stars to pose with her in the picture but got a shock when all that turned up were a few minor boyband members." [Mirror]

2) "It seems though as if this B list celebrity couple is done. He of the C- list films and she of the A list television and B list films. Turns out he finally got sick and tired of the verbal abuse he took from the wife everyday. Not talking about three or four days a week, talking about every day. Did she hit him? Absolutely. Although, her favorite thing to do was to try and scratch him with the engagement and wedding ring he bought her. He has had some lovely cuts as a result of this, including stitches more than once. He has walked out before, but she has always talked him into coming back. This time though he has been gone for ten days, and isn't returning any calls." [CDaN]

We know what Spencer and Heidi think about the phenomenon that is The Hills. Now for Audrina Patridge's thoughts on last night's premiere.

She wrote on her official site yesterday:

"I just spent my afternoon getting ready with my make-up artist and hair stylist, and am headed to the big season premiere party. I shot a couple videos for you that I will be uploading later, but here are some photos so you guys can see my final look. What do you think? My stylist and I chose a Julia Clancey dress and then I chose Mary Norton shoes to wear with it."

What do you think of Audrina's hair and blue dress and at last night's season premiere party for The Hills? We think she looks pretty fab, don't you?

Want more Audrina Patridge? Here are some recent pics of her hangin' at the DKNY Beach House in Malibu (where she seems to spend a lot of time) ...

Timesmen Nagourney and Zeleny say Obama's found a running mate. But he has only told his closest advisers. And not the person he chose, even! Who is either Evan Bayh (ugh), Tim Kaine (eh), or Joe Biden (!). He will text you, his supporters, whenever he decides to make his announcement. Last night political expert hack loser Mark Halperin said Nagourner and Zeleny (and Drudge!) were all flat-out wrong but now he must've have been informed that they're right so he took his post down and replaced it with something about how Joe Biden is the guy (and when it turns out to be Bayh he'll take that down too.) Morning! [NYT]

Running a free monthly magazine about outdoor sports in the New York area is probably not the most lucrative niche in the media, so it's perfectly understandable that a publisher would want to look for some creative ways to sell ad space. But selling the entire front cover for a product placement? That may be the point at which you cease to be an actual magazine. Although that didn't stop Metrosports NY from doing it:

The cover features Sarah Reinertsen, the first female leg amputee to finish an Ironman triathlon. She’s wearing one Nike shoe and a Nike t-shirt, with the words “Where Will You Be?” under the date “08.31.08” emblazoned on her chest. In the bottom left corner, Nike’s swoosh logo accompanies a cover line—“The Human Race 10K”—and a callout to “See page 12.”

The inside cover features a two-page ad for Nike Plus’ “Human Race” taking place on, yes, August 31.

See, the problem is that once you've sold your front cover, what is it exactly that separates you from the tons of ad circulars that appear on front steps across the metropolitan area? The publisher himself even wrote shilltastic ad copy inside for Nike's race.

Don't say it's okay just because they used an inspirational handicapped woman for the product placement. That's cheating.

[Folio]

The 42nd President of the United States of America, William Jefferson Clinton, celebrates his 62nd birthday today. Happy birthday, Bubba!

Bill Clinton is best known as the only Democrat to win two White House terms since FDR, for presiding over the largest peacetime economic expansion in U.S. history, and for a certain incident involving a cigar and an unattractive intern.

Will he be back in the White House in some capacity? It doesn't appear as though Barack Obama will ask Hillary Clinton to run for Vice President with him, but you never know. Anyway, here's a little birthday photo tribute to Bill ...

When does your favorite star celebrate another year of living? Which celeb b-day is next? Check out our celebrity birthdays calendar and see!